Title: Peace At Last
I lay in the warm bubble bath, surrounded by quiet, candles flickering orange, red and yellow like a mini suns, giving the bathroom a dim glow. Glad to be out of the chaos of looking after my sibling, Tom.
“Evie!” yelled Tom. “Look at me!” I could hear him clumsily thumping around the bedroom, probably holding his plastic gun, pretending to be a brave fighter, like Dad was.
“EVIE!” He was getting really impatient. I reluctantly got out of the bath and opened the door. Tom danced around the bed beating his rifle like a drum. Ignoring him, I walked back to the bathroom and slipped back into the water. Peace at last.
By Caitlin Lou
I love your opening sentence! Are there places that you could use line breaks? You have been able to portray the theme of caring in your work. Continue to practise using sentences for effect. A good read.
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